Although our culture has framed dependency as a bad thing, a weakness, it is not.*
Attachment theory claims that the ability for an individual to form an emotional and physical “attachment” to another person gives a sense of stability and security necessary to take risks, branch out, and grow and develop as a person.
Depending on him, means that I trust him to respond when I call, to know that I matter to him, that I am cherished, and that he will respond to my emotional needs.
After being with someone for an extended period of time, we tend to create a joint memory system which is based in an understanding of who is best suited to remember what kinds of things. This transactive memory system is linked to intimacy and perhaps this is why when someone leaves we feel like we are losing a part of our-self.**
Emotional isolation is encoded in the brain as dangerous; too often, what couples do not see is that most fights are really protests over emotional disconnect.* Underneath all the distress, partners are desperate to know: Are you there for me? Do you need me? Do you rely on me?
There is no prescription for how to love someone, but touch can be regarded as the most basic way of connecting with another human being.* That’s why I take every opportunity to kiss you, to hug you, to say I love you; I believe a little PDA is a good thing. After all, who doesn’t like the warm fuzzy feeling that sweeps over as the one you love pulls you in a little closer as he cuddles you.
My inspiration to synthesize this piece came from Ivy Chen and John P. Elia’s Book, Sexuality & Relationships, & Malcolm Gladwell’s Book, Tipping Point, as well as my own life.
*Quotes from Ivy Chen and John P. Elia’s, Sexuality & Relationships
**Quotes from Malcolm Gladwell’s, Tipping Point