Sometimes “I’m going to miss you” doesn’t do justice to the feelings inside.

This journey started with thoughts of “can we make time run faster?”
And now it ends with “can we play one more game before you go?”

It’s hard to make sense of how the hardest times can also be the source of some of the most beautiful memories. Memories that take you back to being a little kid again – safe in your home, protected by your parents – cared for as you heal and learn to stand on your again.

In 11 weeks I experienced 18 years of life all over again, I went from being cared for by my parents to taking care of me again; and in the process I learned a healthier way of being independent.

When I “grew up” the first time around, I was filled with frustration, longing and the inability to articulate what I needed. This resulted in anger fueling my growing – anger fueling my leaving, and anger fueling my strength.

14 years later, in the microcosm of this healing experience, in the presence of my parents love and care, their willingness to come and stay with us while I recovered from my surgery – I received the chance to go through a dependent-to-independent cycle again, albeit sped up – and condensed.

As I reflect on their time with us, I realize that the tears flow so freely because I am experiencing years of healing – in a heartbeat.

A second chance at understanding what it means to be away but not apart.
At how to let love, and connection be the guide for independence – instead of anger and pain.

This time, as I forge my way back onto my own two feet I know to let the light of those who love me guide me; I know how to let the love in, while simultaneously choosing who I am and what I want from life to ground me.

The result? My mind is at ease – and the greatest fear we all share of ending up lonely – no longer hides in the corners of my heart.

My heart is full.